the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
there is glitter all over my balls
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