I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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