Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize