I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have post one night stand depression
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