You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.