Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?