Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I could fuck to npr.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!