Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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