Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...