My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW