There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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