Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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