i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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