I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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