I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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