I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
