I wish life had little blips of pornography
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.