I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome