saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sober January is a disaster.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
