So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny