Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool

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  (949): who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool http://tfl.nu/a4ly
  Replies (7) Good night (1230) Bad night (1776)
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  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

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  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (12267) Bad night (1401)
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  (+34): View more from Spain

  Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.

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  (+34): Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow. http://tfl.nu/qh3w
  Replies (16) Good night (4323) Bad night (758)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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  (407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr
  Replies (17) Good night (1468) Bad night (2479)
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  (914): View more from New York

  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

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  (914): you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds http://tfl.nu/u8pq
  Replies (36) Good night (6384) Bad night (1066)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.

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  (709): The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave. http://tfl.nu/fq86
  Replies (2) Good night (1177) Bad night (804)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.

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  (978): He was like a foghorn with a huge penis. http://tfl.nu/5kl8
  Replies (3) Good night (1778) Bad night (1014)
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  (707): View more from California

  I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.

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  (707): I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched. http://tfl.nu/zef2
  Replies (5) Good night (791) Bad night (1479)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die

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  (919): Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die http://tfl.nu/o1vm
  Replies (4) Good night (1460) Bad night (625)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs

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  (517): I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs http://tfl.nu/fis6
  Replies (9) Good night (2462) Bad night (610)
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  (258): View more from

  You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.

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  (258): You told me my blanket felt like ground beef. http://tfl.nu/qi5j
  Replies (3) Good night (405) Bad night (761)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.

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  (307): We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xr9v
  Replies (5) Good night (1332) Bad night (388)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.

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  (859): Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo. http://tfl.nu/co0z
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (381)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one

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  (585): I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one http://tfl.nu/3p0c
  Replies (1) Good night (1008) Bad night (338)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.

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  (269): I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic. http://tfl.nu/l4d9
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (848)

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