Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after