I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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