WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
