Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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