I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
