tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
handjob tips. give me some.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
