I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize