I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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