best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
