Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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