Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
