my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
