Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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