I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize