remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
