Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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