I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
