listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
