New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
