so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
