remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
