I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
