I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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