Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize