If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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