He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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