I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
