pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
