I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Randomize
