Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
