He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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