Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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