Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
