Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
