I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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