question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
