The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
