the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize