I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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