Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
