Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
