i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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