Can i not drive my cunt home
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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