Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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